Sample Report · For illustration only

Year 6 Persuasive Writing Feedback

This report uses a fictional student draft. No real student work is shown.

Feedback support only. This report is feedback support only. It is not an official mark and cannot replace your child's teacher's assessment. Do not submit any part of this report or the suggested examples as your child's own work. The purpose of this report is to help you understand the rubric, identify what to practise, and support your child's improvement.

Student Draft

Task: Write a persuasive text arguing whether schools should have a longer lunch break. Your writing will be assessed on how clearly you state your position, how well you support your reasons, and the quality of your language.

Should schools have a longer lunch break? I think schools should have a longer lunch break because it is good for students. First, students need time to eat properly. Many students do not finish their food because the break is too short. Second, playing helps students concentrate. When students play, they come back to class ready to learn. Third, longer breaks are healthier. Sitting all day is bad for you. In conclusion, schools should have a longer lunch break because it helps students eat, play and learn better. A longer lunch break would make school better for everyone.

📖 What this task is asking

This task asks your child to argue one side of a question and convince the reader. The key skills being assessed are: stating a clear position, giving reasons, supporting those reasons with evidence or explanation, and writing a convincing conclusion.

📄 What the rubric means

The marking criteria look at three main areas. First, ideas — does your child have a clear opinion and give relevant reasons? Second, structure — does the writing have a logical beginning, middle and end with a real argument, not just a list? Third, language — does your child use persuasive words and phrases that sound convincing, and vary their sentences?

📊 Estimated current range

Shows characteristics of mid Stage 3

Stage 3 describes the writing skills the NSW curriculum expects across Years 5 and 6. As this child is in Year 6, the writing is sitting at the typical level for their year: there is a clear position and three relevant reasons, which is a solid foundation. To move toward late-Stage 3, the writing would need to explain and elaborate each reason rather than just stating it.

This is an estimate based on the submitted draft only, not an official mark. Official marks are set by teachers using formal assessment, and may differ from this.

💪 Strengths

Clear position from the start

Your child states their opinion immediately and sticks to it throughout the piece. This is exactly what persuasive writing requires.

"I think schools should have a longer lunch break because it is good for students."

Three organised reasons

The writing is logically structured with three separate reasons introduced clearly using First, Second, Third. This shows your child understands how persuasive writing is organised.

"First… Second… Third…"

Attempts a conclusion

Your child includes a conclusion that returns to their main argument, which is a strong habit to develop. Many students forget to close their argument properly.

"In conclusion, schools should have a longer lunch break because…"

🎯 Improvement priorities

Ranked by impact. Focus on Priority 1 before moving to 2 and 3.

Priority 1

Add specific examples after each reason

Each reason is stated but then stops. Good persuasive writing explains WHY the reason is true and shows HOW it works with a specific example.

"Second, playing helps students concentrate. When students play, they come back to class ready to learn."

Suggestion: After "When students play, they come back to class ready to learn," add a specific example: what kind of play? What happens differently in the lesson after? For instance: "After 20 minutes of active play, students in studies showed better focus on maths tasks in the following lesson."

Priority 2

Strengthen the conclusion beyond a summary

The conclusion restates the reasons but doesn't add anything new. A strong persuasive conclusion leaves the reader with one final compelling thought or a call to action.

"A longer lunch break would make school better for everyone."

Suggestion: Try replacing the last sentence with something more specific and urgent: "It's time for schools to act on what the research shows — students who move more, learn more." This gives the reader a reason to agree and remember the argument.

Priority 3

Vary how sentences begin

Most sentences in this draft begin with the same pattern: subject + verb. Varying sentence openings makes persuasive writing sound more confident and engaging.

"Many students do not finish their food… When students play, they come back… Sitting all day is bad for you."

Suggestion: Try starting some sentences with a persuasive phrase or a surprising fact: "Research shows that…", "Imagine coming back from lunch actually ready to learn.", "Every day, students across NSW sit for up to 6 hours without adequate break time."

💬 Parent coaching questions

Ask your child these questions instead of rewriting the essay for them. Let them think through the answers.

1
Can you tell me, in one sentence, what your strongest reason is and WHY someone should believe it?
2
What is one specific thing that has actually happened — to you or someone else — that proves one of your reasons is true?
3
If someone read only your last paragraph, would they feel convinced? What one thing could you add to make them remember your argument?

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